We all have strengths

 

We spend a lot of time thinking about our strengths as leaders. We identify what we’re good at, build on it and find ways to use those qualities effectively. But strengths aren’t helpful in every situation.  

Sometimes, particularly when we’re under pressure, they can become a little too much of a good thing. The leader who is naturally decisive can start making decisions before others have had a chance to contribute. Someone who cares deeply about their team can begin taking responsibility for everyone else’s problems. High standards can become perfectionism. Resilience can become pushing through when stopping would be wiser. The strength is still there. It’s simply being overused. 

Look underneath 

When we notice a behaviour we don’t like in ourselves, our instinct can be to try to stop it. But what if we got curious instead?  

There is often a positive intention sitting underneath behaviour that has become unhelpful. The person struggling to delegate wants to make sure things are done well. The leader who keeps stepping in to solve problems wants to support their team. The person who keeps pushing through cares deeply about getting the job done. 

Looking underneath the behaviour doesn’t mean excusing it. It means understanding it. And understanding gives us more options. 

What are we afraid of? 

Sometimes there is another layer underneath all of this: fear. 

When we’re under pressure, our response isn’t always about what is happening in the moment. It can be about what we’re afraid might happen next. We might become overly controlling because we’re afraid something will go wrong. Take on too much because we’re afraid of letting someone down. Avoid a difficult conversation because we’re afraid of damaging a relationship. Keep searching for another solution because we’re afraid we haven’t found the right one. 

The behaviour makes more sense when we understand what it’s trying to protect us from. That doesn’t make the behaviour helpful, but it can make it easier to understand. And understanding creates the possibility of choice and opens the door to more self-compassion. 

Pressure changes things 

We’re particularly likely to overuse our strengths when we’re tired, stressed, uncertain or facing a difficult situation. When pressure rises, we tend to reach for what we know. We rely more heavily on familiar ways of responding, even when they’re no longer serving us particularly well. 

This is why we might find ourselves behaving differently during a particularly challenging week than we would when we have more space, energy and perspective. It’s not that the strength has suddenly become a problem. The circumstances have changed, and our response may need to change with them. 

Get curious 

Instead of seeing the things we struggle with as flaws to fix, we can become curious about what sits underneath them. We might notice that the quality we value most in ourselves is sometimes the very quality that gets us into difficulty. 

That doesn’t mean we need to change who we are. It means we can become more aware of when we’re leaning too heavily on a particular strength and more intentional about how we respond. Over the next few weeks, notice what happens to your own strengths when the pressure rises. You might be surprised by what you discover.