How to recognise and quieten your unhelpful and ingrained thoughts, habits and behaviours

Your mind is your greatest friend. But it is also your worst enemy

Shirzad Chamine 

While being a school leader can be hugely rewarding and even (dare I say it?) fun at times, it can also be really challenging. It forces you to regularly take risks and step out of your comfort zone which means that the fight or flight part of your brain can be triggered on numerous occasions, sometimes on a daily basis.  

Wakey wakey inner judge! 

Your inner judge will recognise that you are feeling threatened about a person, event or situation and will kick in to keep you ‘safe’. It will evoke feelings like doubt, worry, shame, anger or disappointment about your past ‘failures’ in order to scare you away from taking the same risks again thus avoiding the possibility of the same negative outcome. This will keep you in these emotions for longer than is useful and will impact your behaviour and the next steps you decide to take.  

When your judge takes control of your emotions, it is driving you through fear because its role is to keep you safe. This fear of a negative outcome, if listened to, controls the actions you choose to take next. For some this may mean not making the decision or taking the action you’re considering. For others this could lead to heightened levels of stress and anxiety during the event that impact your performance.  

Not so helpful negative self-talk 

Despite being a system in your brain designed to keep you safe, the negative messages of the judge stop you from trying new things, taking risks or going after opportunities. They can be damaging in nature to your performance, can knock your confidence and have a negative impact on your relationships and wellbeing. Feeling like you’re controlled by these unhelpful, and often ingrained habits, thoughts and behaviours is a highly unpleasant state to be in which has a damaging impact on your wellbeing and resilience, but it is possible to quieten their messages.  

Start to gain control today!  

In order to gain control of your negative self-talk, it helps to become aware of the messages you hear and when you hear them. That way you can gain control over them and decide whether you want to listen to the voice telling you ‘don’t’ or ignore it and be the amazing leader you truly are.  

To begin to quieten your inner judge voice, listen out for any negative, internal messages you hear and make a note of what the message is and in which situations it most often occurs. When you can spot a pattern, you are in a great position to pre-empt the situations that you know will trigger it. 

If you’ve been reading this and thinking you don’t ‘hear’ messages, then I invite you to be on the lookout for feelings, such as anxiety, stress, self-doubt or any other ‘negative’ emotions that come up. If you notice you’ve stayed in these types of emotions for longer than a few seconds, it is an excellent way of spotting that you’ve been hijacked by your judge! 

As soon as you begin tracking your inner judge, you will start to turn down the volume on their messages, take away their strength and lead from a place of clear-headedness.