Leading through life’s curveballs

Sometimes, life throws a curveball that can knock you off your usual rhythm. One of those personal things that sits quietly in the background, tugging at your focus and your energy. And when your personal life wobbles, the rest doesn’t pause, which can create a strange kind of split; part of you fully present, part of you elsewhere. 

The question is: how do you keep leading well when your personal life is demanding your emotional attention? 

You’re human, not a machine 

There’s often a quiet pressure in leadership to leave your personal life at the door. To keep things separate, professional, polished especially if you’re a woman, as Rachel Reeves found out this week! But that’s not always possible or helpful. You’re human, not a machine and pretending you’re not carrying something heavy doesn’t make it any lighter, in fact it can make it feel heavier and even more burdensome.  

Sometimes, the kindest and wisest thing you can do is acknowledge the wobble, because once you stop fighting it, you free up energy to respond to it, to steady yourself and lead from where you are right now, rather than where you wish you were. 

Leading through the wobble 

An unhelpful belief I often hear from school leaders is that “being strong” means never wobbling, always being clear-headed, energised and in control. But real strength is about learning to steady yourself through the wobble, not pretending it’s not there. It’s about developing your strategies to find calm and clarity so that when life feels messy you’ve got the tools to help and you can be honest with yourself and others about where you really are. 

That might look like: 

• Letting your team know why you’re a little quieter than usual 

• Saying no to something to protect your energy 

• Gently reinforcing your boundaries, even when it’s tough 

• Offering yourself some kindness when things aren’t perfect 

This isn’t about lowering your expectations or making excuses, it’s about leading with honesty, care and perspective and showing up as your real, human self. 

Mind Monsters love a wobble 

When life feels unsteady, your mind monsters can get louder. They thrive on stress and uncertainty, making you feel even more off balance. Recognising their messages is the first step to turning their volume down and loosening their grip on your behaviour. 

Instead of battling them or trying to push through the wobble with sheer willpower alone, you can learn to gently acknowledge their presence and choose to respond with more kindness and clarity. Taking a moment to recognise what they’re trying to tell you and deciding if it’s helpful or not can be a really effective way of quietening them. After all, they’re trying to keep you safe it’s just their methods that might not be in the most helpful! 

Kindness is key 

Kindness or self-compassion doesn’t mean wallowing or giving up. It means recognising that you’re going through something and giving yourself what you need to move through it. That might be space, patience, care, connection or a shed load of chocolate!  

I’m willing to bet that you’d offer it to a friend, family member, colleague or pupil but do you offer it to yourself? 

A ripple effect

Leading with compassion for yourself and others creates a ripple effect. You set the tone and give permission for others to be real, human and honest too. It builds a culture that is far more powerful than one built on constant composure.  

So remember, strength isn’t about never wobbling, it’s about knowing how best to steady yourself and keep going.